I had a long and lengthy chat with a work friend, about a mutual work friend. She told me how rude and inconsiderate my friend was to her and some very sordid details about his separation from work. I had no idea he treated others like that. As far as I knew he was my friend, and he treated others the same way he treated me, with respect and honesty.
Regarding his work separation, He told me that he was being terminated for poor performance. I found out contrary. The amazing thing was, he was lying to me outright concerning why he was being terminated. I considered myself a good friend to him, and thought he would be comfortable in disclosing the real reasons. Historically, I’ve shared my mistakes about poor judgement, poor choices with him, and thought he was comfortable to disclose similar issues to discuss.
I get there are personal mistakes people make and are ashamed of. But, Lying to yourself and others about the severity of your mistakes, colors your perception of the event, and impacts and impedes your future.
I’ve seen people do stupid things, and gamble with their future over tempests in a teapot. I struggle to see how reasonably intelligent people continue to make bad mistakes and cant or wont reach out to others for help. Is it an Ego or hubris thing? People are too ashamed to ask for help for fear of diminished value in public perception?
I know that I can easily fall into the same trap. I worry that risks and events are actually worse then they are and that Im not responding adequately to them. Hopefully I am smart enough to make good decisions or correct wrongs when applicable.
I no longer keep in touch with my friend. We kept in touch for awhile after he left but he moved constantly, work and home, it was hard to keep in touch, professionally. I think he was truly committed to the job we were doing and struggled with the loss. I suspect the paradigm thinking going from consultant to customer and back to consultant had left him frustrated.